Something about code and life in 2 dimensions

Vichniac Vote

I'm trying to bring coding Monday back. A bit like a digital ,Justin Timberlake. Anyway, every time I try to get started with my coding I have to spend about a day getting my head in he right spot. Today was no different. 

I've been hitting a block with my coding, mainly because I want to understand the meaning and syntax of each bit of code I come across. This is not a bad idea, but it sure is slow work. Talking to a friend reminded me that when I was learning to draw I copied non stop. I didn't over think the lines I just did. So this is the approach I have taken with my coding.

My interest is in generative art and the use of artificial life. I copied the code from a book on coding I have. Despite just copying I did find that I am now beginning to understand the code in use. However I can only understand it bylooking at it not writing it.  Still a wiser person than me said that a year from now I'll be a year better at this. Where is all this going? Who knows?

Vichniac Vote

Conway's Game of Life

Something about embarrAssment and evolution of an idea

Where to start? The beginning is so far away . I'm not even sure if I'm near the middle or past the point of no return. ( What ever that cliché means in this context.) My work is disparate and wide reaching. I sometimes feel if I'm looking for the Grand Unifying Theory for my mind.

The best I can do is try to give you some insight into my thoughts as I paint. The image below is a difficult one for me, purely from a bashful point of view. The subject is yours truly with a camera. Originally my ideas for this work revolved around :

  1. The use of the female form in nudes.

  2. I wanted to do something that scared me as, I was creatively a bit dry.

  3. I wanted to improve my technical skills by studying the figure.

These ideas kick started the painting,but as I painted my focus shifted to embarrassment. I would be laying my every bump, lump and fold bare on the net for all to see and the thought twisted my gut with dread. My reddened cheeks acted like a rag to a bull. The work had now become a challenge to be over come, to be braved.

Beginnings


Along side these thought 's I found myself justifying my own physicality in a way I never had before. I forced myself to think of myself as meat and paint, this took my mind off the embarrassed anxiety I was experiencing. I will admit that I my mind was split, part was worrying over how people would judge me by the size of my cock. Typing that feels both wrong and liberating. Ha.

Reducing myself worth to the dimensions of my penis was an odd feeling. Day to day my penis rarely features – excepting the showers and toilet breaks, but I digress. There was a terrific almost exhilarating and frustrating cognitive dissonance in my head.

Some time after posting the image, incomplete as it was I was diagnosed with mild depression and sever anxiety. To express my loss of self, I used a reverse chiaroscuro effect. This worked to an extent but the painting still begged to be finished. And so it sat in the Cave O' Paint, haunting me ( and the occasional meter reader from the gas board. )

dissolution of self Wip


The use of cellular automata is the latest addition to the painting. The rule used is Rule 30. Unlike some cellular automata rules, Rule 30 will not 'die' . It is a random and infinite rule set. I'm still digesting the effect of the generative cellular automata on the work. But my thoughts have turned to the dispersal of personality in the digital age. There is a sense of dissolution and corroding of information in the work. As for the camera, it was always meant to represent a voyeur. I no longer think of the figure in the image as myself , I think it has become to laden with symbolism.

Digital Dissolution of self WIP

I'm interested in what the painting says to other people, what they read into it. If you feel moved to comment on the work then please do. I'm still not finished the painting, but it definitely feels closer to the end than the beginning.

Something darkly positive

Some of my new experiments, which really help me. Just painting as the ideas come and not worrying about consistency. I have recently bought myself a set of lettering stencils and I'm having lots of fun playing with them.

The image below was going to be something else in my head, but I went on a tangent due to the music I was listening to. The text should read, "There is no text but that which we type."

The music I was listening to was Detox by Strapping Young Lad. I find it a very dark yet cathartic song. Full of rage yet selfaware of it'sangst. It's the self deprecating anger and the unrelenting pace of the tune I love. I wanted the work to be a mess of ideas and yet retain structure.

"Don’t confuse legibility with communication, just because something is legible doesn’t mean it communicates and more importantly doesn’t mean it communicates the right thing." - David Carson.

I have a bit more to add on top of it.
 

Something about structure and coping.

So I was all revved up and raringto go. Prepared to show the world my tiger face (which incidentally Logjammer assures me looks like a sausage face) and shred my procrastination and lack of mostly everything, with my sausage clawed paws.
And then I imploded, like anineffectualsausage. ( I don't get the simile either.) The net result was I got anxious about not fulfilling my commitments, and then felt guilty for wanting to put time into these commitments while all around, the house work and kids clamored for attention. 

Recently I was given a task as part of my anxiety/depression therapy. It is a simple task and for me surprisingly effective. I basically make a list of my commitments and wants for the week. I prioritise theminto 1, 2 and 3. With 1 being the highest priority and 3 being a bonus that would be nice type class. I selected 3 things to prioritise on each day. 1 of these things should be for me. In my case that's making guilt free time for my art and whatever else. Yadda yadda ya. If you want more information on this you can ask, but I'm not going to write any more about it here.