Along side these thought 's I found myself justifying my own physicality in a way I never had before. I forced myself to think of myself as meat and paint, this took my mind off the embarrassed anxiety I was experiencing. I will admit that I my mind was split, part was worrying over how people would judge me by the size of my cock. Typing that feels both wrong and liberating. Ha.
Reducing myself worth to the dimensions of my penis was an odd feeling. Day to day my penis rarely features – excepting the showers and toilet breaks, but I digress. There was a terrific almost exhilarating and frustrating cognitive dissonance in my head.
Some time after posting the image, incomplete as it was I was diagnosed with mild depression and sever anxiety. To express my loss of self, I used a reverse chiaroscuro effect. This worked to an extent but the painting still begged to be finished. And so it sat in the Cave O' Paint, haunting me ( and the occasional meter reader from the gas board. )